Living with Erectile Difficulties
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A Man's Point Of View
A Partner's Point Of View
How Couples Cope
Preserving Potency
Reducing Anxiety
A Man's Point Of View
Having erectile difficulties can lead to a variety of emotional responses:
Anxiety: This is a common response. Confidence can be completely lost even with just one episode of erectile failure. Anxiety releases neurotransmitters that can cause loss of an erection. Then, continued anxiety and repeated erectile failures compound erectile difficulty.
Denial: "If I don't talk about it, it will go away." Unfortunately, this attitude creates a wall between partners at a time when support is most needed. This can lead to withdrawal by both parties, further silence and lack of communication.
Embarassment: This is also a common response. It goes hand-in-hand with anxiety. A man can feel he is the only one who has this problem and worry that his partner will see him as a failure.
Frustration: With repeated erectile failure, anxiety turns into frustration. In a vicious circle, rising anxiety causes the erection to be taken away, which increases frustration.
Anger: When erectile dysfunction becomes chronic, frustration can lead to anger. If poor communication between the couple, pent-up feelings can turn into anger which may result in lashing out at the partner, family, friends, and coworkers-workers.
Guilt: Sometimes, guilt results from feelings that the partner has been let down.
Depression: Chronic erectile failure often leads to loss of self-esteem. it is viewed a as a loss of manhood. Depression can be a cause or a result of erectile failure.
Indifference: Some men lose interest in sex. This may be due to the erectile problem or other factors such as stress, aging or medication.
A Partner's Point Of View
In addition to going through the very same emotions as the man, many partners also have feelings that attack their own sense of well being.
Guilt: Sometimes, a partner feels she is responsible for the problem. She may feel badly that she said something to anger you, or that you no longer find her attractive. Unfortunately, many partners don't discuss their feelings for fear of increasing the anxiety/embarrassment. This silence can result in a couple drifting apart.
Anger : Sometimes, couples become so frustrated they blame each other. It is not uncommon for a woman to worry that her impotent partner is having another sexual relationship. Ironically, in many cases of erectile dysfunction, the man will not stray out of the relationship for fear of similar failure with a different partner.
Indifference: Some partners are not affected by erectile dysfunction. Perhaps they have not learned to enjoy sex, but saw it more as a "duty". This can become a separate problem when one person in a relationship desires sexual fulfillment and the other is willing to give it up.