by Dr. Richard Casey

Why see a urologist unless you have a urologic problem? The risk of meeting someone you know in the waiting room would be enough to keep most of us home, hoping that the burning goes away on its own. Unfortunately (for me), couples can sometimes use my office to prove their undying love for each other, paid for by the taxpayers of Ontario. Could be worse, I could serve alcohol.

He had to be close to 60 and proud of it. His double-breasted silk suit didn't hide his double breasts, as she almost sat on his lap. Thirty-five and informed. They both had Herpes. For those of you who don't know what Herpes is, suffice it to say, it's painful and, sexually transmitted. They'd both committed to this new relationship; he after his business had become successful and his first wife died and she, after 2 unsuccessful marriages. Finally, soul mates. How could they both have a sexually transmitted disease after nine months of wedded bliss?

"Dr. Casey, tell us how we contracted this virus." There must be another way — toilet seat? Maybe it can be dormant for years? We didn't have it when we got married (I wonder, did she sign a prenuptial agreement?). "If you didn't have it nine months ago, then you probably picked it up recently. A toilet seat is an unlikely source, etc., etc." As they watched me describe how Herpes progresses, the natural history of the disease, the treatments I knew, they stopped listening. "Possibly one of you had fooled around and forgotten to wear protection"?

Obviously, I was misinformed. I had not come up with a mode of transmission they could both live with. They were going to a specialist in Toronto who could give them the help I couldn't. Before they left, I apologized for not being very helpful. Could they help me though? I had only been in practice for 15 years and, while this could have been the first case of a spontaneously occurring genital herpes, if either of you had a "fling" recently, please let me know. I learn from my patients, I said. They left angry and insulted.

I think he called from his cell phone later that morning. It was only a quickie, someone he'd met about 2 months ago while away in Germany. Could he have anything else? Could he come back and get tested?

As I was finishing with him, my receptionist buzzed. Could you take another call, it's urgent.

My ex-husband came by while my husband was away on business, and...he didn't tell me he had Herpes. Could I have syphilis? Could I come in and be tested? Sure, but check your daytimer first. Wouldn't want to run into someone they know in my waiting room.

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